Perseveration X

Part of my journey of ‘recovery’ is to not only delve into when my destructive behaviors are set into motion, but I’m also interested in their genesis. For instance, I struggle with feeling ‘less than’- why? Or, why do I need to argue a point into the ground…after all my reason has deserted me? Or,…

Rabindranath Tagore is credited with, “A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.” Recently I have been revisiting the desire I had to not feel negative emotions. If I’m sad, then it needs to go away. If I’m angry then I need to be calm.…

‘I want to…’ ‘I have a strong desire…’ ‘It’d be nice to finally…’ Aspirational. It’s great to have goals but the language here is the problem. It holds me back. There’s a riddle I heard about a frog. A frog is on a log and says to its friend – “I’m gonna jump into the…

I was asked today to reflect on ‘making amends’ with loved ones, colleagues and others. How do I deal with it? What’s the major drawback or impediment? Ego. That’s it. I can stop writing now, right? That’s the major impediment. My ego. (Was tempted to write ‘Their ego’ here). One of the stories related today…

There have been times in my life that I feigned love of the day. That I would act joyful when the sun was out…all of that beautiful weather. Inside, though, I was thinking, “Is anyone buying this?” Just the thought of a long stretch of daylight would fill me with dread. How to fill the…

Those out of the blue turns. Things going great between you and your loved one and BOOM! you’ve become a persona non grata. You breathe wrong. Your tone is all wrong. You exist in the wrong space. This situation is difficult. Especially for those of us who are black and white thinkers. I automatically think…

When something goes wrong in surgery (and, indeed, in most businesses) there is usually a gathering of principals and then a root cause analysis is undertaken to answer the question: fault of system or individual? Avoidable or no? When I’m sitting on my couch and thinking about how miserable my day, time, life, relationship…whatever…is I’ve…

Today is a cloudy, rainy day in Corvallis. I was going to add gloomy but it doesn’t reel that way. It is a day to remain inside and “cozy,” though. One of the things I’ve struggled with realizing is “conditional” comfort. As a concept it is easy to see its allure, but in reality it…

The human brain seems designed to find patterns in the universe. To tell a story with a beginning, middle and end. There’s a reason that being able to foresee the ‘next big thing’ is considered a laudable trait. For every advancement there is a least one person that sees the potential and starts. Steve Jobs,…

You know that feeling when you’re being chastised by a loved one for doing something wrong? That immediate feeling of shame/fear/anxiety followed by the thought “how dare they say anything!”? Or, is it just me? What I mean is, I feel incredibly embarrassed and angry at the person who constructively criticizes me. “What are you…