You know that feeling when you’re being chastised by a loved one for doing something wrong? That immediate feeling of shame/fear/anxiety followed by the thought “how dare they say anything!”? Or, is it just me?
What I mean is, I feel incredibly embarrassed and angry at the person who constructively criticizes me. “What are you doing? Put your phone away, we’re here doing this now.” or…”What were you thinking doing that?”…or…”I wasn’t thinking that…I was thinking…”
All of those things…those corrections/criticisms…get me angry. Make me feel righteously indignant. How dare she/he/you tell me what to do! How dare you tell me what to think! How dare you point out my defects…
Thing is that I immediately see their point. I SHOULD put my phone away and be present. I’m embarrassed to be caught out. Regardless of my reason- that doesn’t matter. No matter how much I want it to be of import it won’t be. I chose to perceive that advice as unsolicited and therefore negative and not welcome. If I simply asked, “what do you think if I take the time to edit that email right now and then resend it?” I wouldn’t be upset if I was told…’No, best to put your phone away and be here now.’
Again, perception, right?
Then there is the added bonus of feeling shame for doing the wrong thing. It’s okay to feel it. I was wrong. I admit it. I don’t want to keep being wrong. Thank you for pointing it out. By getting my ire up and acting out or snapping back I eliminate any path forward. I just get stuck in that event in the past.
It’s highly unlikely I’ll ever be perfect. It’s time I acted like I know that.
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