We were sitting on the back deck- I was just home from work and she’d been out all day doing things she usually loves. Out at the river with the dogs, nursery buying a tree, gardening…with a look of pain on her face she told me that she didn’t see the point of it all.
Why struggle and fight for anything if it all means nothing at the end? We all die and what does our life mean? How are we supposed to keep fighting “the good fight” if the good fight is useless? Neither of us is religious (and won’t be, thank you) but both are a bit spiritual. That said, the bromides and platitudes felt unhelpful. I didn’t know what to say in that moment.
So, I didn’t say anything. I waited.
I then told her that I was going to skip playing soccer that evening. She protested as I always look forward to playing indoor soccer and it was a big deal. I told her- honestly- there will be more soccer games but there is only one her.
This moment- this decision– led to a closer intimacy and a closer relationship. She now knew that I’d drop things for her. Did I wish I could go? Yes! Did I keep wondering if I did the right thing? Yep. I had a hard time letting go of the game of soccer. But the rewards have been sweeter.
That moment when the person you are with knows that whatever they are facing- existential, physical, emotional or mental- they are not facing alone. That feeling is amazing.
And, the realization that I did it not as a quid pro quo moment but because I truly felt what I said just hit me now. A small sacrifice that yields a big reward.
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